Growing up I had a very happy outlook on life. I would be excited for the next phase that would come my way. Things like going to high school, dating, college, finding a career and starting my Masters's program. I felt like I never ran into any setbacks in life, it was planned out even in the craziness of 2020. I had just graduated in the spring of 2020 and luckily got a job immediately after college. I was planning on marrying my boyfriend, finishing my master's, plans on getting a house, and starting a family. Until we had a little surprise. In the winter of 2020 during the pandemic, I found out I was pregnant. “Oh,sh*t!” I thought. I was happy and surprised but very much not prepared and the fact it was during covid made it scary. When I went to the doctor to confirm my pregnancy and start my medical care I was crying. I felt I had failed as a mother already. What about my plan? My fiance and I aren't married yet, even though we were going to be married in the next few weeks. I was thinking about how my life was going to be in the next few years and my positivity was starting to dwindle away. I realized I would have to give up my Master's program, and my job, and move back in with my family until my husband and I found a home (my husband and I weren't living together at that time due to our jobs). My positivity wasn't completely gone. I began to try to start thinking affirming thoughts, to help subdue my utter panic “ This is ok, I can always get my master later. There’s no rush, babies aren’t THAT expensive right? ”. As time went on the realities of being an adult and mother hit me over and over. Having kids makes you think seriously about every decision you will ever make for the rest of your life. The responsibilities tied to the fact that my vision of my life and my future family didn’t look the way I imagined was a gut punch. Instead of being happy I just felt sad a lot and frustrated about the situation that I had gotten myself into. I couldn’t be grateful that what I had is what most people dream of, and I would feel guilty that I had such negative emotions at times because it didn’t fit into my personal timeline.
It was also always hard for me in my teens til now to be present because I was always wanting to go after the next goal. I never stopped to “ smell the roses”. I’ve always tied my worth with my productivity whether that would be school or work and now having a child and maintaining a home. If I wasn’t doing something I felt worthless. I rarely would be present with my son because I was always wanting to achieve something within my day whether that be finishing a list of chores, making sure our schedule was perfect with no delays, or that my son had an appropriate amount of outdoor time, and ate all of his food without any struggle. It became repetitive and at times robotic and didn’t really take time to enjoy the quality time that I’m having with my son that I’m never going to have back. And again, reality kept coming at me in full force. Days are unpredictable, kids get picky at times, sometimes kids want to spend hours outside rather than just one, and sometimes tasks can’t be done in one day. I’m at a point asking myself how do I fix this when I feel like I’m running a mile on a treadmill, but I’m staying in one place making seemingly “no progress”? I want to change that and have a better outlook on life and bring back the positivity that I had previously lost.
1. Be more present.
The way that I’m trying to be more present and mindful in order to bring back my positivity is to take note of my surroundings a little bit more. Taking into account that I always have a “go go go!” mentality. Take time to stop and be aware of my surroundings like taking notice of the birds chirping, the wind blowing, and the sounds of the neighborhood. I also need to cut the habit of having something always playing in the background all the time. I’ve always had music or something on the tv as background noise playing at all times indoors and outdoors, so having more natural sounds will be beneficial to be more present and have fewer audible distractions.
2. Spend more time outdoors
When the weather is nice I do see a difference in my mood being outdoors with my son or family. I feel so much more lifted and it gives me a sense of accomplishment in some weird way that doesn’t involve completing tasks. When I’m outside for the purpose of mindfulness. I don’t give myself a time limit on how long I need to be out there in order to go back inside and finish a task just to check something off my to-do list. I feel like spending a good amount of time outside accomplishes personal self-care. When I'm outside on a great day I'm reminded of how beautiful the world can be. Not to mention being out in nature has a plethora of benefits, according to the American psychological association these benefits include…
- Improved attention
- Lower stress
- Better mood,
- Reduced risk of psychiatric disorders
- Increasing empathy and cooperation.
3. Spend more time with family
Spending more quality time with my family and not depending so much on screens to communicate with loved ones is way more beneficial. Don’t get me wrong I love a good FaceTime session with mom and husband while he is away at work. But, In a world where we have multiple outlets of communication, we can still become very lonely and isolated. And I am no stranger to that. No matter how often I talk to my husband or family through text or Facetime nothing beats good-old quality family time. According to an article posted by Highland Springs Medical Clinic, the benefits of spending quality time with family include reducing the occurrence of depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses. Being physically present with loved ones creates strong emotional support to bring you up through life’s challenges.
4. Have a good laugh
I love a good joke or comedy. Laughter is in fact the best medicine to make you feel better. When I have a good belly laugh I can feel the negativity melt away. As stated on HelpGuide.org’s website laughter triggers the release of endorphins, the body's natural feel-good chemicals. So watching a good comedy show, standup on Netflix, or a funny podcast can help get you in a better mood to help you feel more positive.
5. Practicing positive self-talk
I can be quite negative most of the time. My mind usually travels to the worst-case scenario in most situations and I have a very glass-half-full mindset and my thoughts of myself are even worse. This is so sad now that I'm digging into self-improvement and learning about strategies to help me be nicer to myself and think positive thoughts. Having positive self-talk is so beneficial to one’s success in life. Name someone who succeeded in their dreams by saying “ I can't do ____”? Start by changing your language. When you find yourself assigned a task that you’ve never done before, instead of saying “I can’t do it because I’ve never done it before '' change your inner voice to say “ Wow what a great learning opportunity”. If I maintained my previous negative mindset I may have never attempted to start this blog. And yes it’s easier said than done especially if you had the habit of negative self-talk for a very long time. But with baby steps and being mindful of hurtful words that can come out of our mouths towards ourselves we can make progress.
Share below what helps you feel more positive. I'd love to hear it!
.jpg)
.png)
Comments
Post a Comment