Things To Discuss Before Marriage

There are many people who fall into the trap that says true love always finds a way. In reality that isn’t always the case.  Marriage can be difficult and there are some major topics that can completely tear two people apart if they are not addressed before the knot is tied.

When my husband and I got married we took a pre-marital counseling class which is definitely something I recommend!  But if you aren’t going this route here are some questions I highly suggest you talk to your partner about and answer honestly BEFORE you finalize your marriage.  Now, this is not a full list of things you should talk about, but these are the major things I feel that could potentially end your marriage if not addressed.

Things to discuss BEFORE you get married:

Questions you should ask before you get married

Love:

If we eliminated all physical attraction, would we still love each other?

Is marrying a virgin important to you? Why?

What do you think it means to be in love?

Is love a feeling more than a choice? Or, is it a choice more than a feeling?

Is there anything about your past or any previous relationships that I should know?  Or anything that could affect our marriage?

Who comes first, your wife/husband or your kids?

Is there anything that scares you about getting married?

What is your stance on divorce?

Who would come first, in a situation of hurt feelings, your family or me?

If you are completely unhappy with our marriage, would divorce be something you would consider? And at what stage?

Do you feel comfortable talking to me about anything?  Even if it is about something I am doing.

What are your views on pornography?  Do you consider it a form of cheating?

Do you consider emotional cheating to be real?

Finances:

Once we are married, who will be in charge of our finances or will we share that responsibility?

Do you have any current debt?

What are you currently earning?

When is it appropriate to use credit cards?

How much money do you think we should have put away in case of a financial emergency?

Would you want a joint bank account or separate ones? Why?

Children:

Do you want to have any children? If so, how many?

How would our marriage be affected if one of us was the reason why we couldn’t have children?

What are things we would be willing to do/try if we could not have our own biological children?

Once we have children, would one of us stay home with them or would we both work?

When we both are home at the same time, who would care for the kids?

How do you anticipate disciplining our children?

If we have an unplanned pregnancy, how do you think you will handle the situation?  (Comming from someone who got pregnant while using various forms of birth control on two different occasions, do NOT skip this question just because you think you will be “careful”, if you are engaging in sex there is ALWAYS a chance you could become pregnant)

How long would you want to be married before we start trying to have children?

When we have children, what religion would you want them to be brought up in?

How would you handle it if one of our children told us they were LBGT?

Other:

Are there things that your not comfortable talking to me about?  If there are, will you be comfortable talking to me once we are married?

Do you have a religious affiliation? If so, how strongly do you believe, and how often do you attend services?

Are you against any specific race? If so, why?

What is your stance on using guns for protection, in our home, on our person, or in general?

Do you feel that we are rushing into this decision?

Do you have any health problems? Psychological problems?

Would you ever consider having pets?  If so, what kind and how many?

 

Keep in mind that the answers to some of these questions CAN and often DO change over the course of your marriage, but these are definitely some things that could be considered deal breakers by your partner.  Neither one of you wants to be married to someone who they will constantly be arguing with over these things.  It is much better for your relationship to take care of these issues before it becomes a problem and not during the stress that some of these topics can create.

I have only been married for 5 years and I can tell you, my husband and I have already had to face MOST of these issues.  Don’t just assume that those things are so far down the road that they aren’t important.  They are very important, and your marriage could depend on it someday.

What are some other things you think would be important to discuss before tieing the knot?

 

 

 

 

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